I’m a relationship expert and these books are the ones that I most often recommend

Have you been looking for book recommendations on topics such as secure attachment, infidelity, communication, and sex? This relationship expert made a list just for you.

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Stack of self help books

Whenever someone asks me for a book recommendation on a specific topic, my answer is almost always, “That depends, what is it that you are looking to get out of the book?”

I get it and I’m fully aware that my answer to that question is another question.

Shocking, coming from a therapist, right?

However, I think we can all agree that depending on the season of life that we are currently in, our ability to absorb, retain, and incorporate information and wisdom changes.

And if the stack of unread books on the shelf next to me that I’ve been intending to read for longer than I’m willing to admit is any indication of the truth of that presumption, then we can go ahead and consider it fact.

Still, for your sake dear reader, I’m going to go out on a limb and actually provide a list of books that I have found many of people respond positively to. These books fall in all the categories you’d expect: self help, psychology, family, inner child, pop psychology, behavioral economics, relationships, sex, non-fiction, and fiction.

Naturally, there is a disclaimer that goes along with this list. It is far from being a comprehensive list, because such a list would be impractical.

This list is fluid and will be focused on relationships, specifically the romantic kind as well as the relationship you have with yourself and your body.

The book recommendations won’t be listed in order of importance, priority, or by their current trending status.

There will be books that fall off the list only to be added back in the future. Some entries will be replaced entirely if I come across a more deserving candidate, while others stay on simply because of their universality and long term popularity.

Please take these recommendations with a grain of salt. These books, any books, and the knowledge they contain are only as good as the reader is willing to be open to the information. 

The voice of the author and how it resonates with the reader matters as well, which is why you may see books with similar topics on this list.

Ultimately, if you are attracted to a list like this, I’m almost certain that you’ll be able to find at least a few books on this list that might just shift your paradigm or at the very least get you thinking.

Enjoy! And as always, if you have any suggestions on books that I should add, please let me know and I will be happy to read and review them.

Books For Couples Looking To Expand Their Emotional Vocabularies

The books that I recommend to couples are typically different than the books that I recommend to individuals. I think the best books for couples to read together are those that help to expand their emotional vocabularies so that they can have more tools to use when communicating with each other.  

These are just a few books that have resonated with myself and others at specific times when they needed them.

Book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

by Dr. Sue Johnson

Dr. Sue Johnson is one of the originators of EFT and this book is a must read in understanding attachment. Based on her work and her research, this book is all about how we can understand our patterns and use that understanding towards builing connection.

Book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD

Blaming and judging are some of things that happen when we aren’t in tune with ourselves and each other. There are underlying feelings and needs that that need addressing and learning how to communicate them is essential. Read this book and learn how.

Book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

by John Gottman PhD

John Gottman has been quoted saying that he can, with 91% accuracy, predict whether a couple will stay together or split up – after 5 minutes of hearing them speak. If he writes a book titled, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, it is probably worth read.

Book Polysecure by Jessica Fern

by Jessica Fern

What the book Attached is to the attachment theory crowd, I imagine Polysecure is to the poly crowd and those that are interested in learning more about it.

Book The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

by Esther Perel

This book is a little controversial. Whether you agree with it or not, if your goal is to understand how someone else might be thinking, especially on the subject of an affair, then you could do a lot worse.

Book I Hear You by Michael Sorensen

by Michael S. Sorensen

There are a lot of little skills that we can learn to make ourselves better communicators, but a lot of it depends on our ability to listen. Learning to listen, being able to validate, and becoming problem solvers can be had with practice.

Books For Individuals Exploring Self Help

I get asked a lot about what books I’d recommend to someone who is interested in working on themselves. My answer is typically, it depends. It depends on how the material is being presented and what the person is willing to receive. Timing is crucial, which is why I suggest to read, read often, and then reread those books that resonate with you.

These are just a few books that have resonated with myself and others at specific times when they needed them. 

Book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

If you’ve only heard of attachment theory and secure attachment, this book is must read if you want to better understand the subject. It is an easy read and one that I tell all my clients to pick up.

Book Maybe You Should Talk to a Therapist by Lori Gottlieb

by Lori Gottlieb

This is a personal account of a therapist and of therapy, that is also very entertaining, funny, and illuminating. Just a fun read overall.

Book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron

by Elaine N. Aron Phd

The books is over 25 years old so it must be hitting on something, right? Whether you are a highly sensitive person or not, reading this book could mean that you’ll be able to understand 20% more of the population than you did before reading it.

Book The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion by Christopher Germer

by Christopher K. Germer

The book provides great reminders to support and be gentle with yourself and your inner child. It’s a perfect example of how a well written book can make a big impact.

Book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

Our trauma stories are carried within our bodies. By learning to understand what our bodies our telling us, we can start to better understand those stories and work towards healing.

Book Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

by Viktor E. Frankl

One of my top 10 books of all time. I wish I read it earlier in life because it has stayed with me ever since.

Book For Those Wanting to Improve Their Sex Life

Sex is complicated. It is one of those topics that requires volumes and volumes of books to cover. Fortunately, there are a bunch of really good ones out there that can help to address your specific concern.

These are just some books that have resonated with myself and others at specific times when they needed them. 

Book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

by Emily Nagoski

Another frequently recommend book because how it is both easy to read and very informative. If sex positivity is a topic that is important to you should not only read this book but recommend it to anyone else who would listen.

Book She Comes First by Ian Kerner

by Ian Kerner

A must read if the idea of a more fulfilling sex life for him and her sounds good to you.

Book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

by Esther Perel

Finding creative ways to bring the spark back in the bedroom requires both intention and skill. This book is geared towards couples who have been together for a long time.

Book the Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy

by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

Non conventional monogamy is not for everyone. But if the idea or even just the idea of understanding what the other side may be thinking and experience, then reading this classic book is a great first introduction.

Book Tongue Tied by Stella Harris

by Stella Harris

Shame is unfortunately intimately tied with sex. For those looking to overcome that shame and talk openly with their partners about their needs and desires, a few practical tips from this book can help them get them started.

Book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan

by Christopher Ryan

Whether or not you believe something or whether or not it resonates with you,  sometimes asking why and exploring the reasons why something may be is a good practice of stepping outside of your own shoes. 

Books for Anyone Looking Towards What's Next After A Breakup

After years of leading groups, there are two things that I’ve come to observe that are certain when you get a group of initial strangers together. First, no two groups are the same. Secondly, the most  successful groups are the ones where the members come prepared and with intent. 

These are just a few books that might improve your experience within a support group.

Book Heartbreak by Florence Williams

by Florence Williams

This one is actually better as an audiobook as it is the personal story of the author. If you like podcast style storytelling with science mixed in, then you found a good one.

Book Self-Comapssion by Kristin Neff

by Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-care, self-love, and self-compassion are having a moment. Knowing what they are and how they can be practiced make for a solid foundation when one decides to make the investment in working on themselves.

Book Rising Strong by Brene Brown

by Brené Brown

Ah, Brene Brown. Everyone’s favorite shame and authenticity expert wrote a book. Enough said. 

Book The Breakup Bible by Rachel Sussman

by Rachel Sussman

The author is a therapist who has developed a three-phase process for healing from a breakup. If you are looking to start somewhere, anywhere, then this might be worth a try.

Book Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton

by Nick Trenton

It’s all in the title. If obtaining very tools for overcoming negative thought patterns, reducing stress, and living a worry-free life, as promised by the author, sound good to you – then here you go. 

Book When Things Fall Apart

by Pema Chodron

Pema Chodron’s book is one of those books that is often cited by those going through a tough time as having helped them greatly. It is well deserving of its reputation.

Books for Anyone Wanting to Navigate The Aftermath of Infidelity

After years of leading groups, there are two things that I’ve come to observe that are certain when you get a group of initial strangers together. First, no two groups are the same. Secondly, the most  successful groups are the ones where the members come prepared and with intent. 

These are just a few books that might improve your experience within a support group.

Book Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker Weil

by Bonnie Eaker Weil

A very specific look into on of the main reasons that break couple apart. A different kind of infidelity, but infidelity nonetheless. If this topic makes you uncomfortable, then it may be exactly what you need to read.

Book Healing From Infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis

by Michele Weiner-Davis

The daily journey of healing begins with you. But when you are overwhelmed by the result of infidelity, how do you start? With the little things and a plan.

Book The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

by Esther Perel

This book is a little controversial. Whether you agree with it or not, if your goal is to understand how someone else might be thinking, especially on the subject of an affair, then you could do a lot worse.

Book Group by Christie Tate

by Christie Tate

If you’ve ever been curious about what goes on in group therapy and what someone’s experience with it might have been, then this is the perfect read for you.

Book The Honest Truth About Dishonmesty by Dan Ariely

by Dr. Dan Ariely

Not your typical self help book, but if you interested in learning from a behavioral economist point of view about the reasons why we lie, then you’ll enjoy this read.

Book Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny et al

by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory

This book is great for those who want very specific techniques on how to approach or respond to difficult conversations in all areas of their lives.

About Me

My expertise is in relational intelligence and helping people build the secure and fulfilling relationships they desire.

Therapy Services

My work is focused on healing inner child wounds, repairing relational bonds, and helping people work through their physical and emotional challenges in order to improve their sex lives.

Surviving to Thriving After Infidelity

My retreats are designed to combine the benefits of physical and emotional relaxation with rejuvenation focused activities, connection, and skill building to help you deal with what has been weighing on you most.

Support Groups

Connecting with a group of people who feel like you do, led by a licensed therapist, can help you feel less isolated, judged, and lonely. 

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